Solipsism Gradient

Jon Udell points at an Ars Technica article called The Nigerian SCO Connection:

DEAR SIR/MADAM:

I AM MR. DARL MCBRIDE CURRENTLY SERVING AS THE PRESIDENT AND CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER OF THE SCO GROUP, FORMERLY KNOWN AS CALDERA SYSTEMS INTERNATIONAL, IN LINDON, UTAH, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. I KNOW THIS LETTER MIGHT SURPRISE YOUR BECAUSE WE HAVE HAD NO PREVIOUS COMMUNICATIONS OR BUSINESS DEALINGS BEFORE NOW.

MY ASSOCIATES HAVE RECENTLY MADE CLAIM TO COMPUTER SOFTWARES WORTH AN ESTIMATED $1 BILLION U.S. DOLLARS. I AM WRITING TO YOU IN CONFIDENCE BECAUSE WE URGENTLY REQUIRE YOUR ASSISTANCE TO OBTAIN THESE FUNDS.

…

…THEREFORE IT IS OUR RESPECTFUL SUGGESTION, THAT YOU MAY BE IMMEDIATELY A PARTY TO THIS ENTERPRISE, BEFORE OTHERS ACCEPT THESE LUCRATIVE TERMS, THAT YOU SEND US THE NUMBER OF A BANKING ACCOUNT WHERE WE CAN WITHDRAW FUNDS OF A SUITABLE AMOUNT TO GUARANTEE YOUR PARTICIPATION IN THIS ENTERPRISE. AS AN ALTERNATIVE YOU MAY SEND US THE NUMBER AND EXPIRATION DATE OF YOUR MAJOR CREDIT CARD, OR YOU MAY SEND TO US A SIGNED CHECK FROM YOUR BANKING ACCOUNT PAYABLE TO “SCO GROUP” AND WITH THE AMOUNT LEFT BLANK FOR US TO CONVENIENTLY SUPPLY.

They stopped short of using the Nigerian fractured syntax, unfortunately.

If you have no idea why this is funny, here are some news articles about SCO.

I think it’s about 10 years since my company received what we believe to be one of the first Nigerian scam letters to make its way into Brazil… by snail-mail, yet! Unfortunately I didn’t keep it. At the time their standard tale about hidden funds was quite plausible and I remember one of my partners seriously arguing for answering the letter.

Must have been that bug I picked up in Paris. After several days of running around and feeling too tired in the evenings to post anything here – or anywhere, for that matter – I finally found time and energy to write something new. It’s a new installment in the Interesting Times series, and I hope to post the English translation later tonight. Meanwhile, the Portuguese version can be read here.

Update: Here’s the English version. I can’t resist quoting this little bit of dialog:

(Embratel was the government’s telecomm monopoly)

…

(sometime in 1992, trying to lease an Internet connection)

Me: “I want an Internet connection.”

Embratel Salesman: “OK. I suggest a 2400 or 9600 link, the price will be X cents per packet. That’s 20% of what it costs to send a TELEX. Isn’t that revolutionary?”

Me: “A packet means how many Kbytes?”

Embratel Salesman: “What? It’s 64 bytes per packet!”

Me: “And if a user decides to download a larger file, say, 500 Kbytes? It’ll cost hundreds of dollars!”

Embratel Salesman: “Don’t worry, that will never happen!”

While running madly about to get back to where I was before the last trip (perhaps I should even say the last three trips) I chanced upon Tim Bray’s comments on software patents. This is certainly the best article on the subject to come along for years. Highly recommended.

A cynic would say it’s a self-perpetuating system whose costs greatly outweigh its benefits, and that we’re hopelessly stuck in it. But then, I’m a cynic.

A long, involved, and rather funny post about all glitches that happened to me while packing for the trip was completely wiped out… by a glitch with my new Firewire backup drive.

Hmpfh. (Or should that be “hmphf”? Whatever).

Anyway, I’m off to the Airport. One of my fellow travelers is taking an iBook, so I should be able to post again soon. News at 11.

Only a few days after I linked (again) to the J-Walk Blog, John Walkenbach writes today that he’s shutting it down:

It’s been a fun and interesting ride. I’ve been doing this for about 11 months. I was hoping to keep it going for a full year, but it didn’t work out. Yesterday, I was mowing the lawn and decided to call it quits. No real reason. I think it’s just time to move on to something else (but I have no idea what that something else is)…

Well, hopefully he’ll decide to come back sometime in the future. Have fun, John…

Update: he’s back. Whew.

Excellent news! The marvelous J-Walk Blog is up again, due to popular demand. Thanks, John! Please don’t feel obliged to keep up a daily schedule… one or two pages a week are OK with me, I was hard-pressed to keep up with you .

Xeni Jardin over at the ever-cogent Boing Boing points us at the The English-to-12-Year-Old-AOLer Translator. Good for at least an hour of belly laughs. She even posts a sample of a Nigerian-to-AOL translation:

XENI!!!!! OMG!!!! I AM MARIAM ABACHA DA PRINCIPAL MANAEGR COPORAET R3SOURCES OF DA EQUITY BANK OF NIEGRIA LIMIETD LAGOS BRANCH!1!!!1 WTF??? I WISH 2 MAEK U A PROPOSAL WIT REGARDS A TRANSACTION IN WHICH I R3QUIER FOREIGN ASISTANC31!!! OMG ABOUT 4 Y3ARS AGO IN APRIL 199 A VENAZUELAN BUSIENSMAN AND A P3RSONAL FREIND OF MIEN BY NME MR11!1!! OMG LOL GIOVANI VILAET MAED A FIEXD D3POSIT IN MAH BANK OF MOUNT US$13750000111! OMG LOL (THIRTEN MILION SAV3N HUNDR3D AND FIFTY UNIETD STAETS DOLARS)!1!! LOL UNFORTUNAETLY HA DEID OF CARDIAC AREST IN D3C3MBR 200AS!!1!11 WTF HIS PERSONAL FREIND I DO KNOW FOR C3RTANE TAHT H3 HAD NO RALATIEVS HARA IN NIEGRIA NOR ANY TAHT I KNOW OF IN HIS HOME COUNTRY!1!! WTF ACORDNG 2 TEH LAW HERE TEH FUNDS WIL HAEV 2 B CLAMEED BY DA GOVERNMANT OF MAH COUNTRY IF AFTER 5 (FIEV) YEARS NOBODY APLEIS 2 CLAME DA FUNDS!11!1 WTF LOL

FROM MAH YEARS OF 3XP3REINCE AS A BANK3R SUCH FUNDS USUALY END UP IN PRIVAET POKETS OF CORUPT GOVARNMENT OFICIALS1!!!1!1 I DO NOT WISH THIS 2 B TEH CAES OF DA HARD 3ARN3D INV3STAD FUNDS OF MAH LAET FREIND1!! OMG LOL I THANK U FOR UR UNDARSTANDNG OF TEH PRIVACY OF THIS PROPOSAL 2 U111!! LOL

AWATENG UR PROPMT R3SPONS3

WARM!1!1 OMG WTF LOL REGARDS

MARIAM ABACHA!!! OMG!!! LOLOL!!!!

All I can say is LOLOL!

John Walkenbach writes the J-Walk Blog, which is one of my all-time favorite weblogs. Today was a typical day for John, linking to Pencil Ads, Guitars for Girls, Baby Names, Advances in Wine Cork Technology, The WD-40 FAQ, and Satan’s Laundromat, to cite just a few. I could go on and on…

Today’s favorite is “Who’s on first” by Lincoln Spector:

Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you?

Thanks. I’m setting up a home office in the den, and I’m thinking of buying a computer.

Mac?

No, the name is Bud.

Your computer?

I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.

Mac?

I told you, my name is Bud.

What about Windows?

Why? Does it get stuffy?

Do you want a computer with Windows?

I don’t know. What do I see when I look out the windows?

Wallpaper.

… {two pages of this snipped}

Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me? Oh, well. Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you?